Deep in Remembrance
by Colossus Loser
Summary: REPOST! I accidentally deleted it. Miku leaves Rin behind while living her dream, abandoning Rin and seemingly disappearing for two years. One shot, romantic/platonic (how ever you want to interpret it) MikuxRin.


"So, this is it."

Rin kept her feet nailed to the ground, the heat of her anger slowly drooping away with every breath she let go. _Just let it go. Why can't I just let it go?_ Her anger, the more she thought of her earlier outburst, seemed to all leak back through her walls of calm breathing techniques she built so, _so_ carefully.

"That's the way you wanted it, right?" She hissed, letting the words glide through the thick air and trickle into Miku's. She stood silent, waiting for a response, for a reason to tear a scream through her throat that would shred apart her bubbling emotions.

She hadn't heard anything when Miku left.

She stood there for a while, taking it all in, what really had just happened. She pulled her eyes away from her painted toes after it had been so quiet for the while she waited for a response she could hear her neighbor's TV next door. Miku had left, leaving behind nothing but the flower bouquet she had received as a gift from her mother.

_That's right. I yelled at her. I gave her what she deserved._

Rin told herself that because she wanted to believe it was true.

Of course, it wasn't, and she knew that just as well as she knew that it was 12:00 am and she needed to go to bed. She denied and neglected taking responsibility for both thoughts. Her eyes stung as she blinked at the mirror, tracing the marks on her hands that were left behind by her nails digging into her clenched palms. She began stripping herself free of any clothing that smelled like onion and the expensive perfume Miku always wore around her. She washed away her thoughts of Miku, her laugh she reserved just for Rin, her cruel way of joking, the way she could sometimes be so sweet and kind. She wanted to stop thinking, because she knew she couldn't apologize for what she had done. She had gone too far this time; her heart leapt in front of her head and tore Miku apart, piece by piece.

Rin cried in the shower, but nobody would've known, because her face was already wet.

When she dried and crawled into bed, she wrapped herself in her soft green blanket and thoughts. She couldn't help thinking of Miku when she was always there, but she had to get used to it, because Miku was no longer there, and wasn't going to return for a long time. She let her eyes shut as she counted in her head until she fell asleep.

* * *

The next week while Rin was out shopping, she saw a spot of blue flick near the end of the aisle she was in out of the corner of her eye. She felt Miku's dark blue eyes burn into the side of her poorly dressed figure, but couldn't walk away. She couldn't look at her, either, so she settled her eyes on the variety of cereals on the shelf in front of her.

It felt like she was standing there for nearly a lifetime until Miku glided past her, not turning back. This _is _what she wanted, right? She wanted to leave Rin behind, to move on, and to live Rin's dream? That really is what she wanted; Rin had herself convinced, because there could be no other explanation for why Miku had signed without her.

* * *

It took three months until she heard it on the radio. _Their song. _The song that they created together, the song Rin slaved over for weeks, trying to perfect it, and there were the words Rin had created being pulled out of _someone else's _mouth.

She immediately stopped cleaning, turned it off, and threw on a zip up hoodie on her way out the door. She walked for a half an hour, walked up to Miku's front door, and practically threw all of her frustration into three steady knocks.

Nobody was home.

She moped home thinking of only failure, slowly opened the front door, and fell onto the recliner on the all season porch. While gazing with longing out of the window, imagining how great it would've been to accuse Miku of such terrible actions, only proving she deserved what she got, her eyes laid upon her house's phone.

It was a leap of faith, but she thought if she could remember Miku's digits, she could call her cellphone and give what was coming for her. She took a deep breath and held it while slowly moving her fingers to each number, her mind trying to recall the small collection of 9 digits. Once she thought she had it, she quickly snapped the green call button.

The phone rang only one full time, Miku picked up on the middle of the second. _She deserves it._

"Rin?"

Miku's voice brought back those all the memories Rin worked so hard to get rid of. She could imagine the smile on her face at the exact moment she spoke, she heard her reserved laughter, and she saw her long, bright hair. She had to remind herself, _It's the hair that walked right past you without even a side glance._

"Rin? Hello?"

She had been holding her breath the entire time.

She let out a deep, somewhat exaggerated breath, and quickly gulped another one back up. She abruptly hung up, not prepared to give her what she deserves. _She'll get it later. Maybe tomorrow. Probably next week._

She dragged herself to the dining room, ate lunch with her mother and father, and finished cleaning. After a nice, long shower, which she cried in, she snuggled up into her green blanket, and couldn't sleep. She was too busy trying to ignore the nagging voice in the back of her head that kept reminding her:

_You deserve it._

* * *

Rin's eyelids felt glued to each other as she pried them open. It was taking more amounts of strength to get up each morning, knowing that nothing worthwhile was waiting for her. Then the sun would gleam from the window, and she'd be forced to shut them again to block out the millions of needles that stabbed at her already sore eyes, reminding her of how it sometimes hurts to live.

Half a year ago, it wasn't like this, but half a year ago, she was a different person.

She could feel her light that Miku had said seemed to brighten the room growing dull and the more she thought about this inevitable and irreversible change, the more she wanted to crawl into bed and just not exist for a while. She never realized how few friends she had when she spent endless hours of summer with Miku, and she wasn't prepared when the realization knocked the air out of her and left her practically dead on the ground.

* * *

Today was the first day of junior year. Rin and Miku had started this silent war that waged its wounds on their friendship around the beginning of the second trimester last year. It wouldn't be so hard to get out of bed if she didn't go to the same school that _lying, back stabbing, annoying blue prick _that she actually missed did. It also would help if she didn't absolutely loathe the thought of sitting in class for 7 hours listening to some teacher from whatever subject drone on about some stupid topic related to history, or science, or something else Rin didn't really care about.

It's not that she was a bad student. She is actually a beacon in a sea of delinquents at the school she goes to, but she never took much pride in it. I mean, sure, she got good grades, but by the time the year ends she never really learns anything at all, she just passes.

And that's all she had to do today, was just pass through halls, pass through pages and homework, pass through friends that will wonder where she had been all summer, pass through the front door and to her bedroom, and continue this seemingly incessant schedule of self-loathing.

Her school hadn't changed a bit. The same bushes lined the pathways, the same old mossy brick buildings lined the campus, and the same large windows that allowed sunlight into the halls filled the walls. It was just as large as ever.

When Rin got dropped off, she quickly waved her mother off, to which she responded with "I love you, good luck, have a nice day, it'll get better."

Rin hoped it would as she started towards the main entrance.

* * *

The first day wasn't as uneventful as Rin had thought it would be. Miku wasn't there, Rin had noticed immediately. After digging around and interrogating a few students, few discovered she had moved.

Rin's mouth had gone dry.

I was really over, and she passed through the day as if in a daze.

So, naturally, when she returned home, she opened her laptop and went even further into the mystery at hand.

Their song, Rin's work, that song that ruined her, was the first thing that popped up.

It was titled _A melody only for you _and Rin spent the rest of the day trying to figure out if this is all some sick joke.

* * *

Soon, Rin met new people. Their names were Flower, Yukari, Ia, and Luo. They all had strange names to her. Saying them was even weirder. The only name her mouth felt like it had shaped was _Miku._

Who's Miku? Rin didn't know. She knew she knew, but she pretended not to. It helped it hurt less.

After three weeks of making her new friends, Flower pushed Rin into telling them what exactly made her look like a zombie half the time. After Rin explained, they all agreed on how stupid Miku was.

"What a bitch."

"How mean… she doesn't know what she's missing out on, Rin."

"You don't need friends like that."

Rin knew she didn't. Miku didn't need a friend like her.

* * *

She was crawling back into life, and it was taking a long while. Rin wasn't so patient but knew that everything had to get better eventually. Her new friends were nice enough, her mom just got a new promotion which meant more unnecessary presents for her, and she finally joined the art club after two years of trying to avoid any sort of extra-curricular activities. She's far ahead than anyone in her club is, which isn't a surprise to her, since she's been painting for nearly five years, but this time she allows herself to indulge with pride.

Rin wakes up now and welcomes those warm signs which come in rays through her small window, knowing that the world doesn't revolve around Miku and she can survive without her.

This is just one of the small signs she picks out of the many she sees a day that remind her it's okay to live.

It was a year later when Luo ran up to Rin on the last day of school.

"She's here- she's in town- I just saw-"

"What are you trying to say? Calm down." Rin breathed out a laugh.

Rin's laughter was more honest now, much more sincere than it had been the first year Miku had left. Rin rarely ever thought of her anymore, feeling a sense of lingering betrayal and regret whenever she did. She learned to let go of Miku like she had so easily let go of her. Now, Rin finally had friends, and she wasn't alone. She no longer felt isolated. She felt like she belonged.

"Miku's back."

Her calm façade she had worn the whole year crashed down into pieces, leaving her feeling dizzy. She could already feel her eyes stinging and she knew then how weak she really was, clutching her chest trying to find air, she couldn't breathe, and she looked through Luo, past Luo, to a point in time where there was no Luo. She didn't want to forget about Luo or any of the friends she had made. Miku couldn't just come back- and- and _fuck _everything up for her. She was better now. When she finally got herself back together she's shredded apart by just one name. Miku. Miku. _Miku._ Suddenly all she thought of was Miku, Her perfume, her long hair, her harsh laughter and mean jokes. She fell deep into remembrance, and as an attempt to pull herself out, she bolted off school property, to somewhere where the other girl didn't exist. The whole world was spinning when she ran; she ran as fast as she could, as far as her small legs would take her, as far away from Miku as possible, far away from regret.

* * *

She found herself in her living room a while later. She couldn't remember much from earlier, but the sweat forming on her brow and the sore of her feet was more than enough to remind her she did something stupid again. How did she even get home? Her house is at least an hour away from her school. Her head was pulsing when she thought too hard, so she stopped thinking. Instead she laid on the couch, flipping through her phone messages. _She would tell me right? Miku. Miku. Miku. _

She scrolled down a list of messages, trying to find four particular letters. She kept seeing Luo, probably asking her what the hell happened, but not that demanding. She probably sent something like _"Are you okay?" _Flower messaged three times, but she didn't bother to look at them. Lily, IA, Luo, Flower, Yukari, Flower, Luo, Flower._ Why wouldn't she message me? _

All the while, Rin's face was wet, whether it be from tears or the light rain outside, she did not know.

* * *

She woke up at 2 am to three solid knocks on the door. After crawling off the couch and onto her feet, she let out a sleepy yawn, eyes pulling each other open and adjusting the green blanket her father must have layered her in when he came home from work. She was content with sleeping forever, but she knew whoever was on the other side of the door wouldn't be too happy about that. The knocks had become heavier while she dragged herself towards the door. She opened it a crack and peaked through. A shady hooded figure standing in the now pouring rain was on the other side.

Rin's eyes widened slightly, a state of panic starting to rise and she was about to slam and lock the door before they brought their hood down, revealing short teal hair and a small smile.

Rin knew who it was, but pretended not to. She didn't want to know who it was, but she did. She didn't think about it. She just stood there, staring at her, well, acquaintance, with wonder and anger rising to consciousness.

Miku stared back, her smile unfaltering. Rin noticed she looked tired, and her hair- _what the hell happened to her hair? _

Rin opened her mouth; paused as if she was going to bring it up, but closed it, deciding that probably wasn't a great conversation starter for a person you haven't seen it over two years. Instead she found her painted toe nails, and decided to pretend to find them interesting. Something was familiar about the situation.

"So… are you going to let me in?"

Rin, who was growing anxious, tiredly opened the door, and started down the hall. Miku hesitated, but was quick to follow. She slipped her shoes off at the door, remembering Rin's mother's rules from over two years ago, and scurried after her.

They sat in silence on both ends of the couch for around a solid 10 minutes. The silence wasn't welcoming, like how it had been before, before Miku just left without a word, or did Rin scare her off? She couldn't remember. All she remembered was that she was angry. Anyways, the silence wasn't helping much with Rin's anxious feeling that left her stomach curling in knots.

After what seemed like an eternity, Rin stood, pacing back and forth. Miku found amusement out of Rin's frustration, and let out a small giggle she tried to cover with her hand. Rin snapped, letting all her frustrations out in a single growl.

"What?"

"You haven't changed much."

"What do you mean?"

Miku just shook her head, her grin too wide and her teeth too white. _Did she get them bleached? _Rin wouldn't admit it, but something like a twinge of jealousy sat at the back of her mind.

"Why are you here anyways?" Rin sighed.

"I was just in the area, thought I'd come say hi or something."

"What, you couldn't make room for me on your schedule for the past two years?"

Rin felt her voice crack, and yet again, her little game of trying horribly to pretend she didn't miss Miku was exposed as nothing but a joke. She sighed deeply and repeatedly, attempting to even out her breathing, not trying to let Miku see her break after _two fucking years._

Rin had frozen in place by this time, her hands discreetly wiping away tears that had managed to creep out, her body shaked slightly, showing how little control she had. She had lost the game, and she wanted to just crawl back into Miku's arms and say _it's okay. I don't mind being forgotten or abandoned after a whole summer of promises you couldn't fulfill. I don't mind being tossed like trash. I don't mind. I don't mind at all. _When really it was on her mind all the time, each second of every day, and it was still growing too big to speak of.

Miku looked at Rin, face crushed by whatever Rin had said. She let out a quiet, nearly invisible plea, from what it sounded like to Rin.

"I'm so sorry."

Rin stalked to the couch, taking Miku by surprise, and did exactly what she wanted to do. She curled up in Miku's lap, and suddenly every worry she ever had seemed to float off of her. Gravity had won, and she let her tears fall onto Miku's shoulder, and she was pitied again, not for the first time or the last. But here, this time, with Miku, she didn't mind.

Miku cried too, Rin thought, but she couldn't tell if they were her tears or the droplets on her wet hair.


End file.
